I haven’t really done much research into this and up until recently I have been doing it a lot less – so I had kind of forgotten about it a bit. On some days when I walk into a room or a new space, within 2 minutes I have have 5/6 in depth escape plans to survive the most likey disasters or attacks.
Sounds mad right! It’s oddly logical I even calculate how I’m feeling and whether that will effect what I do and so find the best route to survive around that. I think about who is around me to see who would help or take leadership, who I would try to save and who might be an issue. I also think about if I had to fight and I’d go through my basic self defence training in my head so its fresh, just in case. That sounds like a lot but it just flicks across my mind super quick. I will start logically going through each thing that could happen but often I get stuck on one and create a huge scenario around it and the next thing I know it is two hours later.
This is used to happen a lot at school where I would be talked at for long periods time, my mind would wander and daydream and I’d not think much of doing it at all, but then I started to isolate myself (that’s a story for another day… ) and it become a nervous habit and something I had to do. Now I don’t seem to do it when my mind is otherwise occupied. My mental health has improve and now it’s just when I have time to myself: work breaks, lunch times, when I’m traveling alone – it slips in to my thoughts.
Does anyone else feel absolutely completely fine and suddenly one day will be bad – have ‘an episode’ or an attack or start thinking in the toxic patterns again – to the point where it would have been considered really bad even for when you were in the throes of mental illness? Then your terrified that you have regressed and your back in it again? Then you get more panicked thinking about this and so on and so on …
All I know is that unlike before I have a lot of systems (if you want more on these click here!) in place now that I have found to combat it. So if I have a bad day I just have to trust these to get me through and the next day I’ll probably forget the whole thing and feel fine again.
Featured Image by Mike Upson