I hate how I have gave so much power to someone that it physically affects me even when I see them on online, nevermind in real life. I want to say that is was unwillingly given but no, I gave her my heart knowing fine well I wouldnt get it back in the same shape. I just hoped that shape was bigger and better than the original. The worst part is that is better than before, I am a bigger, better person than I was because of her. The issue is then, that she still has it. I think this is why I count this as more painful than the night I was assaulted because I’m choosing to not let that have control over me. She holds so much control over me and she doesn’t even know and I can’t do anything about it.
I wrote this after a particularly messy break up that had me sobbing on the floor of Kings Cross for over an hour – and I never published it. Looking back now, after having a beautiful relationship with a golden soul that has ended in a very mature way, the relationship was not healthy and I know now that with time this feeling does ease and time really does heal, trust me. Humans are pretty amazing.
I’m still grateful for the good times we had and grateful for the experience which I believe has helped me to mature emotionally and understand what it is to love and be loved.
So to anyone reading this who is in pain, a clique as it sounds – trust yourself and give yourself time, be kind to yourself. You’re allowed to feel bad and sad and bit shit, embrace it know that it will pass and you will be okay. Time heals.
*featured image by Mike Upson